A proposal for Flouncers

a sitcom by Max O’Donnell (Alex Smith)

About ‘Flouncers’- Why?

It seems that you can’t turn on the television today without being bombarded with images of homosexuality and homosexuals. Queer as Folk had two series (although the second was very short, running only to two hour-long episodes in the lives of Vince, Nathan, Stuart and the boys in Manchester’s ‘gay village’, Canal Street) and there have been myriad ‘gay’ characters in soap operas, such as Della and Binnie in EastEnders. Emmerdale Farm even has a lesbian vet (!)

Whilst gay man such as myself are pleased to be a part of this revolution of visibility, all these programmes have sometimes tended to emphasise the darker side of the Queer experience (opression, etc.) and have often tended to be a little short on laughs! The time is right for a comedy series about gay life, and that series is Flouncers. (I know there’s Gimme Gimme Gimme but it isn’t very good)

About ‘Flouncers’.- What?

Flouncers is set in the office and working environment of Sequeericorp, a security and bouncer firm owned and run by gay men (perhaps one lesbian in a later episode). This may seem far fetched, but I know for a fact that the Village in Soho employs just one such firm as it’s bouncers. The show will thrive on the comedy potential between the difference of camp, sensitive, effeminate gay men and the high-stress and violence of their day-to-day lives ‘on the job’.

The boss of the firm is Max, a big, mustached clone who likes rough sex. At the centre of the show is his relationship with ‘Miss Thing’, (real name Alexander) who is a flamboyant drag queen and thus, everything Max isn’t. However, contrary to what you might expect, when they are working as bouncers, their positions are reversed (Oooh!- steady on). Big, butch Max is actually a real wimp who can’t handle actual violence, only role-playing S+M ( hoods etc.)Whilst camp ‘Miss Thing’, far from being all drippy as you might think, is actually a bit of a psychopath. Their relationship is rocky, being so different, although actually they secretly fancy each other (like Moonlighting and The X-Files, but English and gay) Other members of the firm, who watch these personality clashes with amused interest in the manner of Chandler (Friends) are Dave, Will and Tim.

Gay men are having more sex than at any time since the 1970s and this should be reflected in the sitcom, with at least one porno-style sex scene in each episode. The actors invloved should probably, however, be straight to avoid being hounded by the press.

About ‘Flouncers’- a sample episode synopsis. (Episode Four- others available on request)

By Episode four of Flouncers, the tension between Max and ‘Miss Thing’ has risen to something near fever pitch, because they are so different, much to the amusement of Dave, Will and Tim. The firm recieves a request from a famous film star to be the bouncers at a very exclusive ‘do’ he is having in a mansion. Max is very surprised that the film star wants a gay firm because he thought he (the film star) was straight. ‘Wake up and smell the de-caf, honey’ ‘Miss Thing’ tells him (Max) ‘He looks like a right legs-up Lil to me. He’ll take one look at you and be on his back- and I ain’t talking sit-ups, neither.’ Dave, Will and Tim laugh, but Max is angry with ‘Miss Thing’ for being so camp when he (Max) is so butch. Max agrees to do the party and looks forward to meeting the film star, who he fancies. Before the adverts there is a tender moment as Dave, Will and Tim have very loving, non-rough sex.

(ADVERTS)

In the second half, we are at the party. The film star is being very queeny and all the guests are gay as well. ‘What did I tell you, sugar?’ says ‘Miss Thing’ to Max. ‘If he’s not a poof I’m Judy Garland’ ‘You wish’ says Max, brusquely. There is no trouble at the party so no need for them to act as bouncers, so the film star invites them to go off duty and join the party as guests. He also flirts with Max. Max is excited at the thought of having sex with the film star, but in the climax it turns out that the film star is actually straight, but pretends to be a closeted gay man to get more work from gay directors, of which there are a lot (this does happen) so he turns Max down. This is a funny ‘turn around’ to end the episode on, but also teaches Max not to judge. Although there is a darker moment when ‘Miss Thing’ nearly beats up the film star for lying. On the way home, Dave, Will and Tim tease Max but ‘Miss Thing’ is strangely quiet. Could he/ she be jealous that Max fancied the film star?

Episode Four, copyright Max O’Donnell (Alex Smith) 1999. All rights reserved.