Mark and my last show of our current run on Monday night went brilliantly, by the way. The theatre was packed and the show went like a dream. Mark even made me snort out a honk of a laugh as I lay on the stage pretending to be dead by improvising a line about marrying a bottle of scotch who gave him 'two little whisky miniature children'. Very unprofessional.
Dave McVey just won't give up on my long dead Six Degrees of Tom Hulce puzzles, and as a result is the first one to properly solve the final one: Sneh Gupta to Tom Hulce in under six moves. Quite rightly he's realised that the most important node in any link between the two is the adaptation of M.M.Kaye's world number one bestselling novel of love in India during the Raj, The Far Pavilions, despite the fact that on the IMDb it is listed only as a mini-series and not a film and therefore should not be eligible as a link. However, after the mini-series was made by Goldcrest Films for HBO, it was re-edited into a shorter version and given a limited theatrical release hence, as far as I'm concerned, qualifying it for SDoTH.
And how do I know this? Because the author of the original novel is my grandmother. One thing I did not know however, and I'm sure my grandmother is probably unaware of, is that the film was also known under another title: Blade of Steel. Oh, and in Finland it ran at 114 minutes, six minutes shorter than the British version. I wonder what they cut out?
While we're about it, may I recommend Dave's new website? It's pleasantly simply designed, which regular readers will know I approve of; it links to me (which regular readers will know I approve of); and it contains a bizarre and obscurely relevant dream about someone I know and Cat Deeley (who regular readers will now know I approve of... And if you want to know why it's obscurely relevant: Cat Deeley presents sm:tv with Ant and Dec whose new programe Slap Bang I am writing for. How's that for six degrees of separation?) §
Went to the reception for Wendy and Steve Furst's wedding last night, having spent about three hours wandering around Oxford Street in the afternoon to find myself a new shirt and tie to go with my black suit so I don't look like an undertaker. I was trepidatious about attending, especially as I assumed I would more than likely only know two people there, Wendy and Steve, and I don't even know Steve that well, but after an hour or so of sitting around on my own, people watching, I ended up chatting to a few kind souls who had met me briefly before. Good dancing to be had as well, apart from the ceilidh which I had no interest in being involved with, and all in all the evening turned out to be much more enjoyable than I had anticipated.
Much more bizarre was the sight that greeted me as I took a mini-cab home at 2am of hundreds and hundreds of women in their bras, jogging along Millbank. Does anyone have any idea what this was? §
So as not to clutter up the valuable space that I fill with my exciting life and pearls of Bachmanesque wisdom here on One Day Soon, I've sidelined off any messages for people I'm designing for to the new Design section of Infinite Monkeys. So, Matt and Richard, that's where you'll find your current poster and flier designs. In case you were wondering. §
There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarrely inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
So long, Douglas, and thanks for all the fish. §
Oh, and can I add to the list of brilliant 'reality TV' programmes Jon Ronson's 'The Secret Ruler's of The World'? Sunday (or is it Monday?) night's programme on David Icke, The Lizards and The Jews was just fantastic. David Icke interviewed in a Little Chef while he was staying in a Travelodge? That's what I call the real life Alan Partridge. May I recommend to you his insane site full of mad stuff about how the Rothschilds were lizards and Hitler was one of them. You couldn't write this stuff. Although it appears he could.
Had a casting for an advert for wine gums today. To be directed by Peter Richardson. Got recalled immediately, which was nice. Was talking to a bloke after my first audition: 'Kind of weird, wasn't it? Going in there and meeting Peter Richardson?'
'Who's Peter Richardson?'
'You know... The Comic Strip.'
[pause]
'Sorry, I was waiting for you to say, "The comic strip called so-and-so"...'
Ah, Jesus. Does this guy have no appreciation for the lineage of alternative comedy? Shame. This man is a genius. §
So. I am a slothful teacher. Emode has a lot to learn about the Bachman. Slothful, mainly; gluttonous, almost certainly. Teacher, I don't think so; like teacher and slothful and teacher go together. If only these tests were a little more self consistent I might be able to read more into them. As it is, I recognise them as the absolute guff they are. §
Channel 4's Faking It has to be without doubt the best dose of 'reality TV' currently on television. Tonight's programme saw Alex the upper middle class Oxfordshire student become an East End doorman and, to top it all, he succeeds. The other programmes in this current series – classical cellist becomes club DJ, painter and decorator becomes modern artist, vicar becomes secondhand car salesman – all made fantastic watching, but this evening's was a real gem. And apparently Channel 4 are reshowing the two that made up the first series. Fantastic. §
Not such a good show last night, and all the more disappointing given the presence of our agent for the first time during our current run. It's the first time she's seen Mark perform, and the first time she's seen us do comedy together, and given that she's making the effort to get us to Edinburgh this year it seems a great shame that the night she came to see us the show just didn't go terribly well. Had she come last week she would have seen us totally storm it. Mark and I were 'on fire', as Dan described us afterwards to her partner, a producer from Carlton.
Not that Monday's show stiffed totally – there were many appreciative laughs and most of it went pretty well – it's just that our performances were a little lacklustre, and we had the added difficulty of coping with a new technician running our lights and sound who really didn't know what he was doing. He definitely did his best, given the fact that he only saw the script and cue sheet a couple of hours before the performance, but lights being too dark or staying on too long at the end of scenes, background music being far too loud to the point where Mark and I are practically shouting to be heard, and sound cues, many of which are the basis for jokes, appearing in the wrong place or even not all, all these things contribute to a sense of confusion and loss of confidence both from us and the audience.
However, that said, I don't think we had an audience of 'laughers' in last night; a group of other writers, producers, directors and agents don't really laugh, even at something they think is pretty funny. They just nod their heads and mutter 'good' under their breaths. In the end, not the worst show we've had, just a disappointing time to be off form. Saving grace of the evening was David Tyler, producer of the Milton Jones radio show, and almost the only producer that Mark and I totally respect, who had many good things to say about the show and will give us the benefit of his wisdom sometime next week. A rare occasion when we can be pretty sure that any comment he has will be worth listening to. §
Bank Holiday? Pah. I have to be in work at 11am tomorrow (or rather today). That's a bank holiday in television: an extra hour's sleep. And that's only something that's come out of the desire of the producer to have a bit of a lie in. Not standard form at all.
And now, to go with what seems to be an increasing trend, I'd like to quote:
If man is five
if man is five
if man is five
Then the devil is six
then the devil is six
then the devil is six
And God is seven
and God is seven
This monkey's gone to heaven.
As sung by the greatest band in the world ever. [Although the remix of the new Starsailor single currently in irregular rotation on Xfm is exceptional.] §
Personal message for Matt, Richard and Paul of limited relevance or interest to anyone else: Here, based on the work Matt and Paul and I did last night, is the design for the poster, and the four separate fliers (all identical except for the tagline). Give me a ring if you spot any mistakes or require any changes. I'll try and do the design for the back over the weekend or early next week.
Normal service resumed. §
Thanks to Nico and Rory for their email assistance with my CSS centering troubles, but my tweaking seems to be to no avail. On my Mac in IE5, both this weblog and the Infinite Monkeys front page seem to have arranged themselves perfectly.
And yet, on IE5 on the PCs at work, all hell breaks loose. Why, goddamit, why? So I have a request: if anyone can take a screenshot of either page on their preferred browser to show me how bad it looks, and maybe explain why, I'd be very grateful. §
Well, well, well. After a rejection from the Pleasance and the deadline for the Fringe and Assembly/Pleasance/Gilded Balloon brochures passing without word from The Assembly Rooms, Mark and I had worked ourselves up into a frenzy of 'not going to Edinburgh this year after all'-ness, rationalising it as, in the end, being a terribly good thing. After all, what with writing two scripts for a 'South Park in the Vatican' animation, a whole series of Slap Bang with Ant and Dec and two or three scripts for a new Richard Blackwood sitcom for the BBC, we would seem to be working about nine days a week with little or no time to work on our show anyway.
So let's relax about the whole thing, and see the benefits, in particular the fact that, yes, the Edinburgh Fringe can have moments of fun and excitement but is, in general, a month-long nightmare, a month of putting ourselves in front of punters and producers that we could achieve equally easily, and much more cheaply, in London in the autumn, leaving August free for us to make sure the show is a sidesplitting work of staggering genius.
Sorted.
And then this afternoon, our agent rings us and tells us the Assembly Rooms have offered us a slot.
Initially – and this will sound terribly churlish to anyone who's struggled to get a venue in Edinburgh before – Mark and I were terribly annoyed. We'd totally convinced ourselves of the correctness of putting the show on in London instead and, given all our other work, to have to take it to the Fringe seemed like a massive inconvenience. However, after a substantial chat with our agent this evening we've come round to the idea again, quite rightly, and so Bachman and Evans shall be treading the boards in Auld Reekie this summer, from 5.45pm to 6.45pm in the Drawing Room. Given the lateness of our insertion into their programme the Assembly Rooms were desperate for us to write them an entry in their brochure, including the difficulty problem of a title for the show. We thought a bit, and came up with this: 'Hmm...' Although since then, Mark and I have found ourselves torn over whether we should actually call it 'Err...', as in, 'Can I have a ticket for err...?'.
So, which do you think is better? All suggestions welcome. §
When the GBlogs recently updated list goes out of action it makes me realise how obsessively often I check other weblogs, how much I feel some sort of community exists with these people I've never met. I suppose I should really get around to meeting them one day; at least we'd have something to talk about. And with that in mind, I'd like to express how thoroughly disappointed I am that no-one has come to my aid regarding my CSS layout query about automatically centering a layer in a web page. Boo hiss to all of you. §
I am apparently only 28% an ageing hypocrite, although to be fair to any other greater ageing hypocrites who might see me as a bit trendy and street, I was concerned that I should get back home tonight in time to see both Teachers and The Adam and Joe Show. But they're both youth kind of programmes, aren't they? Channel 4, the young channel? And I particularly want to see Adam and Joe because tonight they are attacking The Eleven O'Clock Show. Which makes me pretty self-aware. Yeah?
Music. Have bought and am listening to: Do Make Say Think's 'Goodbye Enemy Airship The Landlord Is Dead' and Stars of the Lid's 'Gravitational Pull vs. The Desire for an Aquatic Life'. Great big bags of sound, squashed up into a CD and slowly dribbled over you when you press 'play'. Wonderful.
Oh, and I discovered today that Ant and Dec are each earning a simply ridiculous amount of money for each episode of Slap Bang. Seven times more than they earn for SMTV, in fact. When I think how much more I get paid for the work I do than most people, and I'm still just not in their league. For one show they'll earn twice what I do in a year. But they're very good at their jobs. Maybe they deserve it. Hmm. §
Working in Bedford Square off Tottenham Court Road to the ominous accompanyment of police helicopters circling above the three thousand anarchists, animal rights activists and anti-capitaliztion and anti-globalization protestors currently hemmed in by riot police in Oxford Circus. Keep tabs on the 'fluffies' and 'spikies' of the Mayday Monopoly with BBC London Live's handy Jam Cams, and blow by blow updates on the situation from the excellent Guardian Unlimited. §
Ah. It's all very well hiding your statistics button in an invisible layer, but if you put it at the beginning of your HTML it screws up all the relative and absolute positioning of the rest of the layers in the document and makes your finely crafted design and layout in to a bit of an ugly mess. Hence the slightly odd drift to the left of this weblog. [although I believe that IE5 on the Mac still copes with it all admirably] §