GLADIATRIX: SHE-WOLF OF ROME

Not since dirty Italian directors like Tinto Brass and Federico Fellini made films like Caligula and Satyricon in the 70s have the classical themes of pride, incest and orgies been brought so vividly to life as in GLADIATRIX.

The story unfolds in Imperial Rome, a dissipated place where grown men couple with boys and women run small businesses. Struggling for happiness and love in this dirty town is Vulva (pronounced 'wool-wah'), a noblewoman reduced to fighting in the arena as a gladiatrix by a series of shocking misfortunes.

Opening Vulva's eyes to the full depravity of the Roman way is Slaveman, a gentle anomaly in a culture of violence. Also hindering her struggle with destiny is a cast of prophets, gods and a lion.

Gladiatrix is currently on tour.

"funny, cleverly written, brilliantly performed and tightly directed... the three performances are comedy bliss" **** Kate Copstick, The Scotsman

"this is a show that three genuine comic heroes and heroines will rise out of -- two thumbs up" **** Eddie Harrison, Metro

"...soft porn" Jessica Dromgoole, New Writing, BBC

 

ROME IN THE TIME OF GLADIATRIX

(NOT TO SCALE)

The action takes place in 220 AD, by which time Rome had existed as a republic for about 500 years and for 247 as an empire.

THE EMPEROR Elagabalus was emperor from 218 to 222 AD, during which time he is rumoured to have botched a sex change op, married a Vestal Virgin, given public blow jobs and waxed all over.

THE EMPRESS The dirty old Empress was created as an homage to Juvenal's oversexed Messalina and her big hard clitoris. (viz. Juvenal's Satire 6)

PROPHECY Omens could be divined from anything – stars, birds, hair, offal, the direction an old man fell in when you kicked him. The latin word for an innards inspector is haruspex, in case anyone asks.

SLAVES Until the recent abolition of slavery it was possible to make fellow human beings to do crap jobs for free. Just imagine the savings the Romans made not having to pay for transport, builders or sex.

GLADIATORS Like the sportsmen of today, gladiators enjoyed massive popularity. Unlike the sportsmen of today, they were pimped out to wealthy Patrician matrons and ran the regular risk of getting killed. Evidence indicates that female gladiators were wheeled out as a special treat.

ORGIES Not all Romans were the debauched perverts we imagine them to be. Much like today, there was only really a handful of swingers with funny ideas about how to do sex.

GODS Before Christianity, Romans didn't limit themselves to just the one god. A whole range of deities covered all aspects of life, from war to knees.

COMEDY Lampooning the old and the weak was very popular in Roman literature, which just goes to show that cheap laughs are the best and always have been.

 

SOME USEFUL LATIN PHRASES

Eheu minime, tantum dixi
Oh no, I've said too much

Abite, puer moleste
Away with you, pesky boy

Cave Dave
Look out, Davus!

In nomine patris et filii et spiritus sancti
In the name of the father the son and the holy ghost

Exegi monumentum aere perennius
I have erected a monument more lasting than bronze